This story by Ben Yagoda on what we, as writers, can do about and with cliches inspired me to get back on Tumblr and compile a list. Yagoda calls upon George Orwell, who in his famous essay “Politics and the English Language” writes that cliches are metaphors that have lost “all evocative power and are merely used because they save people the trouble of inventing phrases for themselves.” He calls them “dying.”
A dead metaphor is actually less useless, because it “has in effect reverted to being an ordinary word and can generally be used without loss of vividness,” Orwell writes.
Yagoda offers a coping mechanism for dealing with a metaphor after it starts to die: turning to the old switcheroo. He uses as an example a line from a 1985 television movie called “Romance on the Orient”: “I’m not looking for Mr. Right, I’m looking for Mr. Right Now.”
While I am now and forever more a proponent of the cliche-turned-sideways approach, I’d like to draw attention to another coping mechanism: the cliche-turned-pun. It’s real simple. All you have to do is replace one or two words in a cliched phrase with rhyming alternatives that change the meaning to something far more interesting and unheard of.
Here’s what I came up with:
The best is yet to some… just OK.
Allowed to be an American.
Mormon a feeling.
Fought with his hand in the cookie jar.
A rose by any other name is still aroused.
I’m not sure if I’m hungry, or just bored to pizzas.
I left my shame somewhere over the Jane Doe.
(I should apologize for my shameless “sneaking” of metaphors and cliches into this post. I really should.)
This and the others are from an Open Mic Wednesday night at Opus in Syracuse. Recordings courtesy of Dave. (Thanks, Dave!)
This is the most biased (north-leaning) AP coverage I’ve ever seen. “Santa’s so happy and jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls and boys live.” I’d say that’s a fireable offense, albeit a hilarious one! Though one has to wonder why this adult couple with no sense of humor was sitting on Santa’s lap.
Christmas time is here (in the form of ironic sweaters for sale on eBay).
People are selling “ugly Christmas sweaters” on eBay (for $25, consistently!) and marketing them as such. Looks like you’ve finally plateaued, irony. It’s all downhill from here.
The only blog post made with, about, and for my new macbook pro
Today was a fast moving day. I finished up the paper at 9:45 a.m. and immediately went to Dunn Tire to get my snow tires put on. That wasn’t fast - the wait would be about four hours - but it felt fast, thanks to the nap I took. I went home to do this.
After picking up the car at 3:30 p.m., I went straight to Carousel Mall to buy this laptop. It was a decision made sometime after I woke up from the nap and before leaving Dunn Tire. Again, a fast moving day.
What I really want to write about is the buying experience: it was incredible. As soon as I entered the busy store, I found the nearest genius, Josh Coy, who wasn’t actually coy at all. I planned to just buy the cheapest 13-inch macbook pro and get out of there, but Josh wanted me to make sure I was getting the BEST deal I could. He asked about my life, what I’d use the laptop for - nothing new - but it led to discussion on my college education. Looking back, he really wanted to give me the student discount. I did everything I could to stop him.
“Are you in college?”
“No.”
“Did you just go to college?”
“Graduated in May.”
“Oh! Well, do you still have your college I.D.?”
“Yeah!”
“Then I can definitely give you the student discount.”
“Oh, that’s great! Thanks! Wait. I don’t have it on me.”
“Well, do you still have a school e-mail account.”
“Yeah, but … they closed it when it became too full.”
It suddenly hit me that I only knew my account was closed because I had received the e-mail from Fredonia, LOGGED IN TO IN MY E-MAIL ACCOUNT. So I logged in, and that was more than enough proof for Josh Coy. Josh would have given me the discount no matter what, I’m sure of it. How do I know? Because he said this:
“Can you tell I don’t get paid on commission?”
Like I said, Josh Coy was not coy. His slightly gray hair did, however, remind me of a coy dog (sorry Josh!).
It’s the late show on a Saturday night in Columbus, Ohio. I’m halfway through my set and I mention Barack Obama. Some scattered boos. Which is normal. Somebody always hates the president, no matter who that president might be. In this case, the president is Obama and I am a fan, so I always ask…
Depositstory
I sent a letter to my landlord apologizing for the state he found my apartment in, this after learning I’d only be getting half my deposit back. I didn’t do it for the money. I just felt bad because he rocked as a landlord.
I might be getting the rest of the deposit back. Today I got a message from him asking me how to spell my street name (Owahgena) because he couldn’t read my writing on the postage. And it wasn’t until I missed his call a second time that he left the message. I think I would’ve given up on me by now.
